i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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