guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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