We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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