I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
