My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
