I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
