As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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