you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
