Sponge bath it is.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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