My hand turned me down
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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