I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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