those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
