But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
