yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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