i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
