for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
