I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
