We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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