She is in my trunk
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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