she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize