yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize