Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
