Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
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I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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