I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize