I wanna bring you to show and tell
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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