Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
