Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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