its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
