Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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