She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
