He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
