His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
