yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
