similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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