pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
