kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
