Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Randomize
