Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
