i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
