What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now