just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
