you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos