He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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