Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.

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(206): View more from Washington

Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."

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(574): View more from Indiana

I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap

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