omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
