My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable