NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own