She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.