I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?