The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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