sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Two words: blizzard sex
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
