dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
