Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
