with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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