my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
