I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
