Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
