you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
