His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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