toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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