ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
