maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
