I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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