1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
