he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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