You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
