I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
