I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
