never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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