Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.

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(405): Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile. http://tfl.nu/zkhz

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(469): View more from Texas

is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?

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(469): is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl? http://tfl.nu/85q0

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(765): View more from Indiana

He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

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(765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc

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(602): View more from Arizona

I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.

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(602): I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door. http://tfl.nu/hvfb

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(865): View more from Tennessee

She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".

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(865): She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit". http://tfl.nu/1ezf

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(727): View more from Florida

i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.

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(727): i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats. http://tfl.nu/tu2s

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(765): View more from Indiana

We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny

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(765): We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny http://tfl.nu/ty4j

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita

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(570): I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita http://tfl.nu/65sn

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.

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(859): I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here. http://tfl.nu/288t

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(303): View more from Colorado

It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking

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(303): It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking http://tfl.nu/y5lt

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(770): View more from Georgia

To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.

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(770): To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present. http://tfl.nu/n1ow

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.

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(973): Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover. http://tfl.nu/7xqn

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(714): View more from California

She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.

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(714): She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar. http://tfl.nu/8m40

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(360): View more from Washington

Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.

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(360): Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit. http://tfl.nu/9fav

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.

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(203): Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed. http://tfl.nu/vekr

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