he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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