I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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