Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
