If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
