make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
