So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
50% drunk capacity currently
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
