Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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