I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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