Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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