why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
