the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
