Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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