I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
