Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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