They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
